Running out of anger: #halfmarathon training

I have had an interesting few days both emotionally and physically. For starters, I held my one and only plank for thirty seconds, which allowed me to shake like a leaf. The following day, I was still feeling it. But I didn’t let it stop me, nope. I did some kickboxing. That’s right, I pushed myself. Thirty minutes of kickboxing with weights and I loved every minute. Well, until I had to lean back with my core. My shakin belly didn’t like that too much. Good news, I am fully recovered and didn’t let that one plank kick my butt too badly…tehe. (pathetic, I know!)

I had to switch around the schedule since I’m running a “birthday” 5k this weekend. I took a rest day and headed out with my girlfriend (more tomorrow) to one of my favorite restaurants. I ate like a pig but I always do when I’m out. Of course we even had dessert!

Then came last night. I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. I ran 2 miles. Okay, 2.5ish (I didn’t see the final count). I know it doesn’t sound like a lot but it was the experience that was profound.

When I first started running this year in the month of March, I ran because I was stressed. There was nothing more relieving than running it all out. Trust me, I ran as fast as I could. My emotions were my drive force and there was nothing stopping me. No thinking or mind-chattering, just running. I wanted to scream that day. I wanted to shout and let my frustrations out. I hit a point where I was angry, sad, frustrated and just plain done. I had a lot of saved emotions that caught up and was boiling me over.  So after the kids went to bed, I grabbed my shoes. My husband looked at me funny and I told him I just needed to go. I popped my iPod in and let it all out. I ran hard and fast. I didn’t stop and turned every block in our neighborhood over and over. When I reached my house again, I was pooped and it felt really good. The next morning, I woke up feeling refreshed. If running could do that for me, I wanted to do it more and more.

Last night it was almost the same story. I haven’t been angry or frustrated but I have a lot on my mind. A lot of times, these unresolved issues pop back up in my thoughts and I don’t know how to handle them. They just sit in limbo, replaying if you will. Unresolved emotions that need to be let go so I can move forward. Even though I know that, it’s hard to put that in play. So I ran. I thought about the anger and the madness if you will and I FINALLY let it go. I am discovering that running is an emotional game. There is plenty time to think and process. It can be a battle to keep going, a battle to stay on track, a battle to just move those legs. But in the end, I have never regretting running not one time. If anything, running has made me stronger.

With all these thoughts and emotions running me (just as much as I was running them), my time beeped at 2 miles and I laughed. I laughed and cheered for myself because it was the fastest I have ran. 22:11/2 miles. It’s not a record I know. It’s not even great compared to seasoned runners however it is the best that I have ever documented for myself. I think I even danced a little… 🙂

On a fun and cool note, my hubby drove to Clarksville (far away) to pick up my running packet for me. He’s such a gem.

I am looking forward to my birthday. I do every year but this year, I’m going to continue focusing on me. Two years ago, when I started this self journey, I got a tattoo to remind myself to be balanced. Last year, I worked on my eating habits and discovered lots about health and foods, GMO’s and more. This year, I’m going to discover exercising and lots of it. If running can help break down the many barriers I have, if running can help diminish some of the anger inside, if running can help balance me, then BRING IT ON.

PS I love this song after my warm up – it’s the first song I play to run. It makes me grooove 🙂 Thank you Rihanna!